Divorcing Mary. Why was Joseph afraid and planning to divorce Mary in today’s Gospel reading? What was Joseph’s motive? For a moment, let’s try to put ourselves in the shoes of Joseph to try to figure out why he might be feeling afraid and planning to divorce Mary.
First, some background information may be helpful. The Gospel reading tells us that Mary was betrothed to Joseph. The word betrothed is foreign to us. Sometimes people hear the word betrothed and they mistakenly think it is the same thing as being engaged today. It is not. Today, when people get engaged only 80% of those engagements result in the couple getting married. Betrothal is something altogether different. 100% of people who were betrothed were married. During this first stage of what at the time was a two-stage marriage process, the man gives to the woman a marriage document and usually a ring in the presence of two witnesses. In Jewish law, this is the central moment of the wedding ceremony. The two were bound together before God as husband and wife. At the time of their betrothal, Joseph and Mary were fully married, but they were prohibited from cohabitation. Effectively, we can liken it to a marriage validly contracted yet not consummated.
At the time of Joseph and Mary’s betrothal, the young husband and wife would have stayed in their respective parents’ homes, usually for about a year, while the husband built a house for them to live in. When the husband was ready, the happy couple celebrated the second stage of the marriage ceremony. During this second part, a contract is signed where the husband formally accepts the responsibilities to provide food, shelter, and clothing for his wife and to tend to her emotional needs for the rest of her life. Then, the wife moved into the home her husband built for her.
So, it is during this in-between time period after they were betrothed but before they moved in together and slept together that Joseph discovers Mary is pregnant and Joseph knows that he has not slept with Mary. At this point, the bond they established could only be broken by divorce or death. Speaking of death, the penalty for committing adultery at this time was the person being stoned to death, which in this case would have meant death for both Mary and the unborn baby Jesus. Watch Joseph to see how he is about to set an example for Jesus to later follow by protecting a woman from being stoned to death. When Joseph is planning on divorcing Mary, it is then that Joseph falls asleep, and the angel of the Lord appears to Joseph in a dream telling him not to be afraid.
With this background information in mind, if you were in Joseph’s situation, why would you be afraid and why would you be planning to divorce Mary? Holy men and women throughout the last 2,000 years have come to three different theories on why Joseph would have been planning to divorce Mary. As I describe these three theories, I want you to think about which theory rings true for you if you were in Joseph’s situation.
The first theory is that Joseph was being judgmental. Let’s call this theory the judgmental Joseph theory. The judgmental Joseph theory claims that in Joseph’s judgment, Mary must have committed adultery, and yet he wants to show her mercy instead of seeing her be stoned to death. So, he decides to divorce Mary quietly. St. Peter Chrysologus adopted this theory and interprets the words of the angel speaking to Joseph in the dream to mean the following: “Joseph, son of David, do not be afraid. What you see in her is virtue, not sin. This is not a human fall, but a divine descent. … This is not the betrayal of a person, it is the secret of the Judge. … Here there is a cause not of death, but of life. Therefore, do not be afraid.” If this judgmental Joseph theory resonates with you, take note of that as we move on to …
Theory number 2. The second theory is that Joseph was feeling unworthy. Let’s call this theory the unworthy Joseph theory. In the unworthy Joseph theory, Joseph knows and believes that Mary is pregnant with the child who was conceived by the Holy Spirit and Joseph is afraid because he feels unworthy to raise the child of the Holy Spirit. Therefore, Joseph plans to divorce Mary quietly so his sense of unworthiness is not made public to everyone.
Here’s the support for this theory: as the angel appeared to Joseph in the dream, the angel addressed Joseph in a particular way saying to him, “Joseph, Son of David.” David, of course, was the great King of Israel about 1,000 years prior. The term Son of David means that the person is a descendant of King David. If Joseph went to sleep with the intent of divorcing Mary because he felt he was unworthy of being the foster father of the child of the Holy Spirit when the angel refers to Joseph as the Son of David the angel is reminding Joseph that he is the descendant of royalty. If you think you would be feeling unworthy if you were Joseph, hold onto that as we move on to…
Theory number three. The third theory is that Joseph was confused and didn’t know what to do. Let’s call this the confused Joseph theory. In the confused Joseph theory, Joseph believes Mary and he also believes in following the Jewish Law. He is confused about what to do in this situation, so the best decision he can think to do is the easiest thing for him to do, which is to divorce Mary quietly. If you think you would have been confused if you were in Joseph’s situation, hold onto that.
Okay, let’s do it by a show of hands, which of these three theories do you believe to be true: judgmental Joseph, unworthy Joseph, or confused Joseph? Who identifies with judgmental Joseph? And who identifies with unworthy Joseph? Finally, who identifies with the confused Joseph theory? Now, what does the theory we believe about Joseph’s motives have to say about ourselves and our own motives? Judgmental Joseph. If we identify with judgmental Joseph, maybe we are projecting onto Joseph our own tendency to be quick to judge the guilt of others. As Jesus grows up and becomes an adult, he knows from his own family’s history how this tendency to judge and be dismissive of others can be potentially devastating to marriage and the family.
After Jesus has grown up and is preaching the Sermon on the Mount, Jesus speaks these words, “It was also said, ‘Whoever divorces his wife must give her a bill of divorce.’ But I say to you, whoever divorces his wife (unless the marriage is unlawful) causes her to commit adultery, and whoever marries a divorced woman commits adultery.” Jesus is not just making a theoretical or theological pronouncement here. For Jesus, this is personal. He like every child deep down desired for his parents to work through the problems they faced together with God and to stay together instead of giving in to the temptation of getting divorced. Jesus knows that it took divine intervention to keep Joseph from following through on his plans to divorce Mary. If this divine intervention was needed for the Holy Family to stay together, why would it be any different for any of us and our families?
As we prepare for celebrating Christmas with family and loved ones, we should check our judginess at the door, knowing how this quality could have divided the Holy Family 2,000 years ago and has the potential to do the same with our own family this Christmas. Instead of assuming the worst about our family and those closest to us, why don’t we try being more charitable and giving them the benefit of the doubt? Instead of pushing crazy Uncle Leo away this Christmas, give the poor guy a hug and a listening ear to try to understand him better.
Unworthy Joseph. If we identify with unworthy Joseph, could this speak to our own inferiority complex, our own feelings of insecurity and inadequacy, of our tendency to push people away from us who are meant to make us more holy? When we feel unworthy to play an important role in bringing Jesus into our world, we also need to be reminded of our royal relatives. When it comes to the role God is calling us to take on if our feeling of being unworthy is paralyzing us and we are caught in the thought, “who am I to do this?
The correct question to ask ourselves is who are we not to do this? We are beloved sons and daughters of the Creator of the universe who in a few moments when we say the Lord’s Prayer, we have the honor of calling “our father.” In terms of the royal title “Son of David,” the only person other than Joseph who is given this title in the New Testament is Jesus. Through our baptism, we gained Jesus, the King of the Universe, as our adopted brother. This brother of ours is the person our first reading and Gospel reading are referring to as being Emmanuel, which means God with us. Just as Jesus desired to enter into Joseph’s home and the world when Jesus was in Mary’s womb, the same is true for us. Even when we feel unworthy, Jesus wants to enter into our home and our world through the Eucharist. It’s time for each of us to see in ourselves what God has seen in us from the beginning of eternity, a home for Jesus to come into our world.
Confused Joseph. If we identify with confused Joseph, maybe we are lacking clear guidance and decisiveness in our own lives. Maybe we plan to do the easy thing to do because we are running on fumes and lacking the energy that comes from sleep. If we can’t see where God is trying to guide our journeys with Jesus and our family, maybe it’s because we are walking around foggy-brained from being sleep deprived. Over 40% of Lucas County residents are sleep deprived. I’m going to say something that preachers never say, but that I often say to my kids, “for the love of God, go to sleep.” What is sleep and dreaming if not preparation for what comes next?
We need to learn how to sleep like a saint from sleeping, St. Joseph. St. Joseph is showing us to sleep on important decisions we face so God can speak to us in our dreams providing us with divine guidance. The image of St. Joseph as he’s sleeping is a powerful reminder of his peaceful surrender to God’s plan for his life. Pope Francis has a statue of the sleeping Saint Joseph. Whenever Pope Francis has a problem or special prayer, he writes it down and places it underneath the Sleeping St. Joseph statue, trusting that St. Joseph takes care of the intention while the pope sleeps. We also can allow St. Joseph to intercede for us—trusting that God will handle our problems while we sleep.
Now, if we want to play the special role God has for us in bringing Jesus into our world, we can’t be judgmental, we can’t feel unworthy, and we can’t be confused as those are the paths to divorce and separation from our mother and our savior Jesus. So, whether you came here today feeling judgmental, unworthy, or confused, the angel’s message to Joseph and each of us is that we can rest assured we who have royal relatives have a special role to play in bringing Jesus into our homes and into our world both today and this Christmas.
4th Sunday of Advent Time Cycle A – December 18, 2022
Mass Readings:
Reading 1: Is 7:10-14
Psalm: Ps 24:1-2, 3-4, 5-6
Reading 2: Rom 1:1-7
Gospel: Mt 1:18-24